


DC Rain II - Double or Nothing (8/9)

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-01
Updated: 2002-02-01
Packaged: 2018-11-20 15:21:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	DC Rain II - Double or Nothing (8/9)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

D.C Rain II - Double or Nothing (8/9)

## D.C Rain II - Double or Nothing (8/9)

by Aries

Title: D.C Rain II - Double or Nothing (8/9)  
Author: Aries  
Feedback to:   
Author's Website:   
Status: Complete  
Category: Unclassified  
Pairing (Primary): Mulder/Krycek  
Pairing(s) (Secondary):   
Crossover Fandom (if any):   
Crossover Info (if any):   
Other Pairing Info:   
Rating: NC-17  
Spoilers:   
Permission to Archive:   
Series or Sequel/Prequel:   
Notes:   
Warnings:   
Disclaimer: 

Summary: 

D.C. Rain II - Double or Nothing  
by Aries  
Part 8 

* * *

"I can't do any more of this waiting," Alex announced, breaking the long silence that had descended upon the room. "I'm going crazy here. He should have called me by now, he should have..." 

Before Skinner could interrupt, the phone rang. Alex fell on it, jerking the receiver to his ear. 

"Fox?" 

"Yeah. Hi babe. What's wrong? Why do you sound wide awake? You should have been asleep." 

"I've been waiting to hear from you." 

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I wanted to work straight through so I could get a flight out tonight." 

"A...you're coming home?" 

"Yeah. I'm at the airport now. My flight's in just a few minutes...Alex? You there?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here." 

"I'll be home by noon your time tomorrow. I thought you'd be glad." 

"Fox," Alex breathed into the phone. "You...God, you have no idea." 

"Did something happen?" Fox asked anxiously. "Are you all right?" 

"Nothing happened," the younger man breathed. "Just...get here." 

"I'm on my way, baby. They're calling my flight now. I'll see you soon, okay?" 

"Okay." 

"I love you." 

Alex's fingers tightened on the phone, and he forced himself to keep it together. 

"Love you too." 

"Gotta go. Go to bed now, okay?" 

Alex nodded, unable to speak anymore, and he disconnected but retained his death grip on the phone as his legs gave out on him, and he sank down onto the sofa. 

"He's on his way home?" Skinner asked, trying to gently wrestle the phone away from the other man. 

Alex nodded again, closing his eyes and trembling uncontrollably. 

"Good. Okay. Come on now, Alex. Breathe. It's all right. He's okay, and he's heading home." 

He watched as the younger man continued to shake and decided that maybe a drink would calm him. 

Rising from the sofa, he went into the kitchen and foraged around in the neatly organized cupboards until he found what he was looking for. He located a glass and poured a healthy amount of brandy into it. Deciding he could use a drink himself, he poured another then took both glasses into the living room, where he found Alex exactly where he'd left him. 

"Here," he said softly, nudging Alex's hand with one of the glasses. When the other man made no move to take it, he sat down and placed his own glass on the table beside the couch. 

"Alex, come on. Take this. He took Alex's hand, noting that it was freezing, and forced the glass into it. "Drink some of that." 

Satisfied that the younger man had sipped at some of the liquor, he got up again and wandered into the bedroom, where he found a light blanket lying over the back of the room's only chair. Pulling it over his arm, he returned to Alex and draped the throw over his shoulders. 

"Better?" 

Clutching the glass, Alex held it against his lips and said nothing. 

"Why don't you get some sleep?" 

"Can't. I can't." 

"You have to. You have to pick Mulder up at the airport, right? You can't do that if you're falling asleep at the wheel." 

Alex looked up at the older man, a sudden realization hitting him. 

"I forgot...he didn't..." 

"What?" 

"Flight number. I don't know it." 

"You know the airline and the time though, right?" 

Alex nodded. 

"No problem then. But you have to get some sleep. Unless you want me to pick him up." 

"No. I have to be there when he gets off the plane." 

"Then you have to drink a little more of that brandy and then get to bed...Alex?" 

"Do you think he found him?" 

"What?" 

"Do you think Fox found him?" 

"I don't know," Skinner answered honestly. "How did he sound?" 

"Like nothing was up. Except that he was worried about me." 

"Hmm. Well, if I had to guess, I'd say that he did whatever he'd set out to do. I think if he'd failed, you'd have heard it in his voice." 

Alex closed his eyes and laid his head against the back of the sofa. 

"That's what Im afraid of. If he killed that guy, it will have been because of me. I'll have turned him into a killer. That's my M.O., not his." 

"Whoa, wait a minute...hang on," Skinner broke in. "let me tell you something Im pretty sure you already know, but might have forgotten when you went all sappy over Mulder. That man is the most stubborn, single minded, passionate lunatic I've ever known. No one makes him do anything, and no one can stop him once he's taken up a cause. 

"Mulder marches to the beat of his own drummer, and nothing you did or didn't do had any bearing on what he's done in the past forty-eight hours. This wouldn't be the first time he's been pushed way around the bend, and if circumstances ever warrant it again, it won't be the last. I speak not as his boss or his judge, but as his friend, who's pulled his own share of jail sentence worthy stunts for the good of those I care about." 

Slightly more comforted by Skinner's vow of 'understanding', Alex countered softly. 

"If he didn't love me, he wouldn't have given the slightest bit of thought to killing that asshole." 

"That part is true. But Alex, you didn't make Mulder fall in love with you. He came up with that wild idea all by himself." 

Alex shifted a half-hearted glare in Skinner's direction. 

"You've admitted yourself that you can't understand how it is he loves you the way he does." 

Tired, dark eyes slid away from Skinner's face and came to rest on the glass held between Alex's hands. 

Skinner watched his own fingers tracing disjointed designs on his knee. His next words were as much for himself as they were for Alex. 

"And nothing that you or anyone else does or says or thinks is going to make him stop loving you." 

"I don't know whether to be scared or thrilled about that. I guess I'm a lot of both." 

"What's to be afraid of?" 

"I love Fox like I never dreamed I could love anyone," Alex said, shocked that he would open up this way to Skinner of all people. "I didn't think I had this much in me. I've hurt him so much...I don't want to hurt him any more." 

"Aren't you afraid of being hurt, yourself?" 

Alex gave the older man a pained smile. 

"I hurt all the time," he rasped in answer. "Because I know he deserves so much better than what I am. He deserves a better life than the one he's had with me. He won't see it, though. It's like he's wearing blinders that he absolutely refuses to take off." 

"Maybe it's you who should take your blinders off." 

Aside from the puzzled crease between his eyebrows, Alex gave no response. 

"I called Mulder a lunatic a few minutes ago," Skinner explained. "Crazy doesn't equal stupid. There's a world of difference there. Mulder knows who you are. He knows who you were and what you've done. And he loves you. Maybe it's time you stopped seeing yourself the way you think he should see you, and just be happy." 

"If it was that fucking easy, don't you think I would have done it by now?" Alex asked, irritated by Skinner's offer of such a simple solution. 

"You won't let yourself do it," Skinner pressed, becoming a bit annoyed, himself. "You've been the bad guy for so long...the despicable low-life that everyone hates, that you've gotten comfortable with it. Lazy. No labor involved..." 

//What the hell are you doing?// 

He couldn't stop himself. He was on a roll, and wherever this took him, he was going to see it through to the end. 

"If you're going to turn all that around and be the man you know Mulder deserves, you're going to have to work at it. And you've been working so hard for so long, you don't want to do it any more, do you? You'd rather sit on your ass and whine about your problems instead of standing up and fighting for what you want." 

Alex sat blinking, knocked back by the force of Skinner's words. 

"Mulder's coddled you too much. I mean, I realize that you might be a bit more vulnerable than you used to be, and with good reason. And I guess it must be nice to have someone baby and make a fuss over you for possibly the first time in your life. But I think it's gone too far. You know, one of your more admirable traits even when I hated you was your nerve. Your unwillingness to let anything get in the way of whatever the hell you wanted. Come on, Krycek, where is it? Where's the audacity and self-confidence that everyone who knew and despised you respected? I see flashes of it every so often. I know it's there." 

Receiving no answer, Skinner crossed his arms over his chest and stared pointedly at the younger man. 

"Well?" 

Alex maintained a heavy-lidded stare for long seconds before responding. 

"You're lucky I'm too damn tired to shoot you." 

"Tell you what. You can shoot me tomorrow if you still want to. But for now, go get some rest." 

Alex rose unsteadily to feet and started toward the kitchen. Stopping, he turned around and looked toward Skinner. 

"You gonna finish that?" 

Skinner glanced from Alex down to the drink in his hand. Shrugging, he downed the rest of the brandy and got to his feet. Starting toward Alex, he held his hand out. 

"I'll take that. You go to bed." 

"You're not going to leave them in the sink, are you?" Alex asked, holding his glass out of Skinner's reach. 

"Is my last name Mulder?" Skinner countered, surprising Alex by quickly snatching the glass from his hand. "Now, get to bed." 

"My father died a long time ago, Skinner." 

"Look I'm just trying to keep you from wrapping your car around a pole on your way to the airport. That's hardly the welcome home either of us wants for Mulder. In fact, you know, I think I'll drive you." 

Too tired to squabble, Alex started toward the bedroom. 

Surprised that he didn't have to argue his point further, Skinner walked into the kitchen and washed the glasses. Locating a dishtowel, he dried and put them away, then made his way to the bedroom, where Alex was lying, eyes closed, one pillow clutched to his chest and his head resting on another. Skinner leaned against the doorframe, studying the other man for all of ten seconds then he spoke. 

"I'm not buying it, Krycek." 

"I'm trying to sleep," Alex droned, not opening his eyes, "but I'm not going to get very far if you stand there bugging me." 

"Okay. I'm going." Skinner pushed away from the frame and took only two steps before Alex called to him. 

"Skinner." 

"What?" 

"...Thanks." 

Skinner grunted his acknowledgement and again attempted to leave. 

"Skinner?" 

" _What_?" 

Alex opened his eyes and stared at the older man. "How do you do that?" 

Skinner shook his head in total confusion. 

"That talking but not moving your jaw thing." 

Skinner heaved an exasperated sigh, but Alex persisted. 

"Seriously. I've wondered for years." 

"I was kicked in the jaw by a goat." 

"A goat." 

"Yeah." 

"You don't strike me as a farm boy." 

"I wasn't. Which probably explains why I got kicked." 

"When did it happen? How did it happen?" 

"Back in seventy. Vietnam. I was out on patrol with a few members of my platoon one night, and we came across this tiny village. There was a goat tied outside one of the huts, and we decided to steal a little milk. One of the guys held his helmet under it while another tried to milk it. It kept moving around, so I got behind it to hold it steady, and it got ticked off I guess, and kicked me square on the right side of my jaw. The bone wasn't shattered, so it wasn't considered any type of medical emergency. I stayed in the field, and sooner or later it healed on its own, though not properly. It doesn't hurt, but it's always stayed a little stiff." 

Skinner's head snapped up as he heard the barely suppressed snickers of the man on the bed. 

"Glad I could amuse you." 

"Sorry," Alex apologized, holding up one hand. "But how stupid can you get?" 

"What do you want from a bunch of nineteen and twenty-year olds?" Skinner looked at his watch. "You realize, don't you that it's almost five o'clock. If you got to sleep right now, you'll get about five hours before you have to get up." 

The smile faded from Alex's face, and his gaze drifted down to the mattress. 

"Yeah, I know. Just don't know if I can. At least talking keeps my mind occupied...sort of." 

"Sleeping'll keep it completely occupied." 

No answer. 

"Just think of this...in a few hours Mulder'll be home." 

"And he'll have had time to think about what it is he's done. And why. And it'll sicken him. And he'll begin to resent me because..." 

"Oh, for the love of...don't start this again, Krycek." 

Alex sighed softly and stared down at the point in the room where floor met wall. 

"Go to sleep," Skinner commanded, not as gruffly as he might have liked. "You'll feel better with a few hours of rest." 

Alex nodded, and Skinner walked away, moving slowly to the door. Exiting the apartment, he closed the door softly behind him and leaned against the wall. 

Damn, the boy was fucked up. 

Of course, they all were. 

Look at the life Krycek had lived up till now. Living in the shadows like one of Mulder's mutant freaks. Killing, double crossing, stealing...hooking... 

Scully... 

Going to the lengths she had for a roll in the hay with Krycek. Maybe all those years of following Mulder to the ends of the earth and not having even a hint of a personal life had finally pushed her over the edge. 

And Mulder. 

Living most of his life like some sort of deranged hermit. Sleeping on his couch when he had a perfectly good bedroom...spending every waking minute investigating alien abductions and government conspiracies and lake monsters named Big Blue. 

And himself. 

Spending what should have been prime ladder-climbing time signing off on his wayward agent's outrageous escapades. Covering his ass when he should have been canning it. Turning in the other direction when he knew damn well what was going to go down in Los Angeles, and spending an entire evening trying to comfort said agent's neurotic, ex-triple agent, ex-hooker boyfriend while his dick insisted quite strenuously that he chuck the good neighbor bullshit and just jump the man. 

Yep. Fucked up, the whole lot of them. 

Groaning to himself, Skinner pushed away from the wall and started toward the elevator, calculating the longest he could possibly sleep before he and Krycek would have to leave for the airport. 

* * *

Three hours, and he'd be on the ground. 

Fox closed his eyes and smiled. 

Home. 

A new home. Someplace where he and Alex could hopefully start clean. Speaking of clean... 

First thing he'd do when they got home after the airport would be to strip both Alex and himself naked and get into a warm, soothing shower with him. God, if he concentrated, he could feel Alex's gentle, soapy hands on him, washing and teasing. Mouth brushing the thrashing pulse in his throat as he pulled his beautiful, drenched lover closer... 

"I'm sorry sir, did you say something?" 

Fox opened his eyes and glanced up at the flight attendant. Giving the woman a startled look, he shook his head. 

"No, I...I suppose I talk to myself from time to time," he explained, wondering what the hell it was that he'd said to draw her attention. 

The woman gave him an understanding smile and moved on, leaving him gratefully alone with his thoughts. 

* * *

Alex bolted into a sitting position, slamming his hand down on the alarm clock as it shrilled its warning. 

When the hell had he set it? 

And when the hell had he finally fallen asleep? 

Couldn't have been all that long ago; he still felt like shit. 

But Fox would be home in two hours, and then he'd feel a whole lot better...maybe. 

Dragging himself out of bed, he took a warm shower then rinsed off under a very cool spray to try and snap himself out of the stupor he still lingered in. 

Now awake but anxious as hell, he dried himself, slipped on a pair of comfortable jeans and t-shirt, then came back into the bedroom and began making the bed. The bell rang before he could finish, and he shuffled into the living room and opened the door. 

"You look like hell," Skinner said by way of greeting. 

"Great. Thanks." 

"Ready to go?" 

"Let me just finish making the bed." 

Not waiting for an answer, Alex retreated to the bedroom. 

Skinner shut the door behind him and walked over to the fish tank. Watching the angelfish for only a few minutes before Alex returned, he spun slowly to face the other man as he approached. 

"Okay," Alex breathed. "I'm ready." 

"You sure? You really do look kind of pale." 

"Just tired. Let's go." 

The ride to the airport was a relatively quiet business. Skinner kept his attention to the road while Alex stared in pensive silence out the window. Suddenly, the younger man turned to the other and spoke. 

"I don't feel nearly as weird as I thought I would." 

Frowning, Skinner glanced briefly over at Alex. 

"What d'you mean, weird?" 

"I mean we really didn't get off to a good start. Things haven't exactly been relaxed between us, and I never would have imagined that we could spend more than a few seconds alone with each other. But I uh...even though you were kind of harsh for a while there last night, I appreciated the company. And the advice." 

"Just trying to snap you out of that state you seem to be in. For your good and for Mulder's." 

Alex paused a moment, trying to gather his thoughts, then asked, "Why?" 

"Why what?" 

"Do you care?" 

"I just do. I want you guys to be happy. Is that so hard to believe?" 

"Truthfully?" 

Skinner shook his head and returned his gaze to the road. 

"Never mind." 

"No, really," Alex said softly. "I admit that you have been trying. It's just hard for me to believe you could go from one extreme to the other is all. So...you're over me?" 

"Jesus," Skinner breathed and said nothing more. 

"Simple question," Alex informed the older man. 

"Simple questions don't always have the simplest of answers. I'm never going to do anything to try and hurt you and Mulder, okay? Never." 

Accepting the roundabout answer, Alex again went silent. Minutes later, they arrived at the airport. 

"We got half an hour before his plane lands," Skinner commented, looking at his watch as the two men moved through the terminal. "Want to grab some coffee or something?" 

"I don't think my stomach could hold anything," Alex answered as he matched the other man's long strides. "I don't know what I'm going to say to him," he whispered as they moved one at a time through the metal detector. 

"How about, 'Hi honey, glad you're home'?" 

"And don't let on that I know why he was really out there?" 

"That's your call. But if your poker face ain't what it used to be, I suggest you start thinking of a way to discuss it with him." 

* * *

Fox watched the ground get closer and closer. Felt the plane finally meet it, but he barely registered the sound of scattered applause as it slowed to a smooth stop. In his mind he was walking those last few feet toward Alex, wrapping the younger man tightly in his arms, and kissing him breathless. 

Deciding that he didn't give a damn that people around them might stare, he resolved to do just that. 

The moment he was able to do so, he got up and moved as quickly to the exit as the slow moving elderly couple in front of him would allow. Fighting the urge to blow past them once they reached the narrow passageway, he smiled patiently at the tiny woman, who looked back and up the considerable distance to his face. 

"I'm afraid we don't move as well as we used to," she said apologetically as they continued to crawl forward. 

"Take your time," he answered kindly, mentally chastising himself for the exasperation he'd initially felt. 

Finally they'd rounded the slight curve, and Fox could see several smiling faces waiting at the gate. None of them belonged to Alex, however, and he immediately began to worry. 

Several different thoughts ran through his head, none of them comforting, and then Fox saw him. 

Standing a bit to the left of the bulk of the crowd, looking terribly uneasy and tired as hell, Alex gave him a relieved smile. Fox reached him seconds later and wrapped him in a gentle embrace. But instead of the kiss he'd planned on, he placed a hand on the back of Alex's head and lowered it to his shoulder. Alex's arms slid around his waist, and the younger man sank more deeply into the clinch, prompting Fox to speak. 

"Alex? Baby, are you all right?" 

Unable to answer at the moment, Alex held more tightly to Fox, adding to the older man's concern. 

"Alex..." 

"He'll be okay." 

Fox's head snapped around, facing in the direction of the soft baritone. 

"What are you...what's going on?" 

"He was much too tired to drive. I insisted on bringing him to pick you up." 

"Why's he so...Alex, did you sleep at all while I was gone?" 

Finally, slowly, Alex lifted his head and trained a bloodshot gaze on his lover. 

"I..." He cleared his throat and started again. "I'm okay. Just had a little insomnia." 

Fox searched Alex's face then turned back to Skinner. 

"Let's get out of here." 

They retrieved Fox's bags from the carousel downstairs and exited the terminal; Fox refusing to remove his arm from around Alex's waist until they got to the car. Skinner threw the two bags into the trunk, and Fox slid into the back seat with Alex as soon as the doors were unlocked. He waited for Skinner to get in and start the engine before he spoke again. 

"Babe?" 

Wary, emerald eyes rose to meet Fox's. 

"I want to know what's wrong." 

"I missed you," Alex answered, only telling his lover a half- truth. "And I...couldn't sleep." 

"You didn't tell me you were having trouble sleeping when I talked to you on the phone." 

"No. I w-wouldn't want to upset you while you were on a...a case." 

The last few words were barely audible, and Fox looked at Alex with narrowed eyes. His gaze shifted upward just in time to catch Skinner watching in the rearview mirror. When the older man quickly averted his eyes, Fox's suspicion deepened. But instead of pushing the issue, he coaxed Alex to lean into his embrace, kissing the top of his head and quietly stroking his back while occasionally meeting Skinner's eye in the mirror. 

When Skinner pulled into his spot in the parking garage of their home, Fox shifted slightly, prompting Alex to sit upright. The three exited the vehicle, and Skinner unlocked the trunk, removing one bag while Fox pulled the other out. 

"I'll take that," Alex offered, reaching for the garment bag that Skinner held, but the other man refused to relinquish it. 

"I got it," Skinner argued and started toward the elevator, leaving the other two a few steps behind. 

"Helpful, isn't he?" Fox asked, following in the older man's wake. 

"He's okay," Alex answered softly, incurring a surprised look from his lover. He gave Fox a half smile and said nothing more. 

Once inside the elevator, Fox stood with Alex against the wall, stroking the younger man's back and casting suspicious glances at Skinner. 

Avoiding Fox's eye as much as possible, Skinner monitored the panel, watching as the button for each floor lit then went dark. When they reached their first stop, he stepped out first then hung back to let the two lead the way to their apartment. They reached the door, and Alex unlocked it, letting Fox walk in first. 

"You sure were busy, weren't you?" he asked, looking around at the immaculate living room. 

"You know how I hate messes," Alex answered, taking Fox's bag from him. "If there's anything you don't like, we can change it around." 

"I wouldn't change a thing," Fox answered, tenderly stroking his lover's chin. "I'll see Skinner out and bring the other bag into the bedroom." 

Alex nodded and thanked Skinner for the ride then, looking away quickly, ducked into the bedroom. 

Fox turned and stared at Skinner, the hard glint in his eyes speaking to his distress and suspicion. 

"What's going on?" he asked as softly as he could and still let Skinner know how upset he was. 

"Go talk to Alex," is all Skinner would say. 

"You told him, didn't you? You told him why I was out there!" 

Skinner lowered his head for a moment then looked back up into infuriated gilded eyes. 

"I didn't have to." 

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" 

"He's very perceptive, Mulder. He knew after talking to you a few times that something was up. He called me over here and insisted that I tell him why you were in California." 

"And you couldn't have lied to him??" 

"I tried. He knew, and he wouldn't give up until he dragged the truth out of me." 

"What'd he do, tie you to a chair? Shine a bright light in your eyes? Shove bamboo shoots under your fingernails? Why the fuck didn't you just tell him that I was there on assignment and walk away?" 

"Because then he would have known that something was wrong, and he would have been even more upset not knowing what it was. Would you have preferred that?" 

Fox heaved an exasperated sigh. 

"I'd better go talk to him." 

"That's what I'm saying." 

The younger man turned, and as he reached the door, stopped and murmured, "Thanks for taking him to pick me up. He really doesn't look like he's in any condition to have driven." 

Skinner nodded and walked away, leaving Fox staring at the door. Taking a fortifying breath, he walked back into the apartment, picking up his second bag as he moved into the bedroom. He found Alex, still as stone, staring down at the clothing draped over his arm. Sensing his presence, Alex began to move. 

"I'll take all this stuff to the cleaner's tomorrow," he said, laying Fox's suits over the chair at the other end of the room. 

"Alex." 

"Hmm?" 

Not looking in Fox's direction, the younger man carried the garment bag to the closet and hung it up. 

Fox approached, dropping his suitcase down on the bed, and slipped an arm around Alex's waist, turning the other man to face him. 

"Look at me," he requested softly, stroking the side of Alex's jaw. 

Reluctantly, Alex raised his gaze to Fox's face, and the older man gave him a sweet, apologetic smile. 

"You know, huh?" 

Alex again lowered his eyes. 

"Why did you lie to me, Fox?" 

"Would you have let me go if I didn't?" 

"No." 

"I had to go," Fox whispered, sliding his hand around to the back of his lover's head. "Can you understand that I had to go?" 

"Anything could have happened to you," Alex argued softly. 

"But nothing did. I'm here. I'm home, and I missed you so much." 

Fox tipped Alex's head back and came in for a kiss, but the younger man moved away. Now beginning to find his anger, Alex raised his head, meeting Fox's eyes. 

"Did you really think I wouldn't know?" he asked, making no effort to conceal the slight trembling of his body. "I wanted to believe that you were there for the reason you explained to me, but I could hear it in your voice. I could hear it, Fox, and I knew something was wrong. That's when I went to Skinner, and I found out for sure that you were lying to me." 

"I told you why I lied," Fox explained softly. 

"I know. I understand that you felt you needed to find him. If our situations were reversed, I would have done the same. And tell me how you would have felt when you found out." 

"If you would have done it too, then why are we..." 

" _Tell_ me," Alex insisted, his voice growing a little louder. 

"I would have been worried." 

"Worried." 

Fox sighed heavily. "I would have been scared to death that something would happen to you." 

Alex nodded, letting Fox chew on his answer for a while. When he spoke again, he asked the question he'd been afraid to ask. 

"Did you find him?" 

Fox gave no response. 

"Jesus," Alex whispered, hearing the answer in Fox's silence. "What did you do?" 

Fox moved closer and, reaching out, gently stroked his lover's hair. 

"Is it enough for you to know that he paid for what he did?" 

Alex closed his eyes, swallowing the huge lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. 

"He hurt you, baby," Fox murmured. "Did you think that I could let that go? Did you think that I would?" 

Stifling a shudder, Alex asked straight out. 

"Did you kill him? I need to know." 

A brief silence, then, "Yes." 

The trembling increased. 

"It's all right, Alex." 

"It's _not_ ", Alex wailed, spinning away, hands clenched in his hair. "You killed a man, Fox. Because of _me_." 

"He didn't cheat you in a game of poker, Alex. The fucker drugged you, and then he raped you! There was no way in hell I could let that go! How could I let it go and still be worthy of..." 

Alex turned sharply to face his lover to find Fox's eyes coated with a heavy mist. He moved forward, stopping when their bodies were just barely touching. 

" _Worthy_?" he gasped. "Of what? A career criminal, who'd fucked half the men in L.A.? Don't say it, Fox." Alex cupped his lover's cheek in his palm. "Don't even think it. It's me. I'm the one who needs to be worthy of you. And I don't see...in this lifetime or the next ten, how I ever could be." 

Before he could think to say another word, Fox's arms were around him, pulling him into a fierce embrace. 

"You're everything," he whispered harshly, one tear dropping from his right eye. "And whether you think yourself worthy or not, I'll do anything in the world for you." 

"I love you, Fox," Alex croaked, clutching at Fox's jacket. "I never would have wanted this for you. "I don't..." He started to push away. "I don't want this for you..." 

" _No_." Fox held tightly to the younger man. "Don't do this. Don't you take any blame on yourself." 

"Whose fault is it that you felt the need to fly clear across the country, hunt a man down then kill him?" 

"It's _his_ fault," Fox hissed, grasping Alex's shoulders and shaking him gently. "He did it to himself, and the motherfucker got what he deserved. I was _not_ going to let him get away with it. Just like I never should have let those other fuckers get away with what they did." 

"That's part of this, isn't it?" Alex asked. "You never got past what happened in that warehouse." 

"How could I? Could you?" 

"No," Alex said softly. "But Fox, I...what if this comes back to you? I can't stand the thought of..." 

"You're not the only one slippery enough to pull something like that off, you know," Fox broke in, swiping at his cheek with the back of his hand. "As far as anyone'll be concerned, some hooker did him then took his money and wallet and snuck away." 

Reddened, shocked eyes focused on Fox's face, trying to comprehend exactly what the older man was saying. 

"Hooker?" 

Fox shrugged and said nothing. 

"Fox, what did you...you posed as a hooker?" 

"It was the best way. Aside from the propositions I had to fend off, I could hang out in the area and look for him all night without a problem." 

Alex's gaze went to the floor. Hand over his mouth, he inhaled deeply, holding the breath for a few seconds before exhaling slowly. Finally, he dropped his hand and, still looking at Fox's chest, asked. 

"So, that's where you found him?" 

"Yeah. Well... he found me. Picked me up last night." Fox's expression took on an icy quality. "He mentioned you. Not by name, but he described you." 

"What made him mention me?" Alex croaked so softly, Fox had to strain to hear him. 

"He told me I was pretty," Fox said. "Said he hadn't seen anybody around there that pretty since the evil, green-eyed demon who'd given him his limp. He implied that you got what was coming to you. He deserved to die for that alone..." 

Alex listened, eyes closed. Silent. 

"He took me to his place a few blocks away, expecting a blow job." Fox snorted. "As if. I let him drop his pants, run his mouth a little bit, and then..." 

"Did you shoot him?" Alex croaked. 

"No. He thought I was going to. Whimpered and whined. Tried to talk his way out of it. But shooting him would have been too easy. Too merciful. He didn't deserve mercy." 

"...W-what did you do?" 

"I beat him," Fox hissed through gritted teeth. "And then I beat him some more." 

"And you're sure he's dead?" 

"Oh, yeah." 

In slow motion, Alex leaned forward until he felt Fox's arms close around him. 

"I'm scared, Fox," he whispered, burying his face in his lover's shirt, no longer amazed by his ability to make such an admission. 

Fox brushed his lips against the glossy, sable hair beneath his chin. "What of?" 

"You killed a man for me. You're sure that no one will know who did it, but...what if someone does?" He tightened his hold on the older man. "What if... I can't lose you, Fox. I can't, I..." 

"You won't," Fox promised. "No one knows. And you know as well as I do that nobody cares what happens to anyone in that part of town, least of all the police." 

"I know, but..." 

"It's all right," Fox whispered, stroking his quaking lover's back. "It's over. Please don't worry." He scattered a few kisses in Alex's hair while his wandering hand continued its attempt to soothe the younger man. "I'm sorry, baby, that I had to lie to you. I hated doing it. But I'll never be sorry for my reasons." He pulled Alex away, holding the younger man's gaze with his own. "I love you, Alex. And as long as I've got breath in me, no one will ever hurt you and get away with it." 

Searching his lover's glazed but steady stare, Alex lifted a trembling hand, tracing the telltale lines of strain and exhaustion around his eyes. Slowly, his fingers skimmed downward, whispering over the lightly stubbled cheek, then finally touched Fox's mouth, where they lingered, lovingly caressing the soft flesh. 

"I keep asking myself," Alex breathed, "what happened. How it is you found me clear across the country, and why in God's name you chose to love me. And that you would do what you did...for me. I don't know what to say to it. How do I even begin to...to thank you, to make myself worthy of so much love..." 

"All I want from you, Alex...all I need is for you to love me back. And I know that you do." 

"I do," Alex answered, his voice cracking with emotion. The two words were all he was able to utter before speech abandoned him completely. The nearness of Fox...the radiant warmth of his body and awesome beauty of his eyes overwhelmed the younger man, and he slowly pitched forward, meeting Fox's mouth with his own. 

Tenderly, Fox grazed his lover's lips before capturing them in a soft kiss. Hands, just as gentle, caressed the other man's back and shoulders, then soothing fingers shuffled through his hair before anchoring themselves in the sable strands and holding his head for a deeper kiss. 

Melting into Fox's arms, Alex moaned softly as the older man's tongue slipped into his mouth. Fear and anguish slowly melded with desire, and he wound his arms around his lover's neck, pressing closer as he returned the intimate caresses. 

One hand wandered down from Alex's head, stroking over his neck and back, rounding the exquisite curve of his rear as Fox pushed against him. The rock hard proof of his lover's need made his own cock throb in response. After these few days apart his body screamed for immediate release, but his shaken lover needed more than quick relief. He needed to be reassured. He needed to be loved. So, summoning up all of his will power, Fox kept his kisses gentle, his touches soft, and by the time he removed Alex's shirt, the younger man stood before him swaying unsteadily, breaths shallow and uneven, and utterly under his spell. 

Losing the will to keep his eyes open, Alex closed them and released a brief moan as worshipful hands traveled the muscled terrain of his upper body. Fox's mouth soon followed, warm and moist, and his knees lost their strength. Only an arm wound quickly around his waist held him steady as he was slowly backed to the bed. 

Fox deposited his lover's limp body on the mattress and lay beside him, letting the tips of his fingers glide over the breadth of his chest. As they lightly circled one tight nipple, Alex twitched, sounding a breathy whimper. Fox's tongue followed his hand, gently stroking the pebbled flesh, and the younger man arched slightly, shivering at the sensation. The shivering turned to all out shaking when the tip of his tongue flicked quickly back and forth over the tip, and Alex's hands automatically came up to his head, attempting to anchor themselves in his hair. 

Gently grasping Alex's wrists, Fox pulled his hands away and pressed them to the mattress beside his head. Retaining his light grasp, he lifted his head and looked down into eyes opened halfway and brimming with more emotions than he could name. With all the tenderness he possessed, he feathered Alex's jaw with tiny kisses, working his way upward, where he nuzzled the younger man's ear and cheek before descending on his mouth for another kiss. 

The increasingly agonizing ache of his body now overwhelming that of his heart, Alex opened his mouth in offering, allowing Fox to sweep inside. He shifted his lower body, trying to alleviate the growing discomfort of the jeans he still wore, and Fox broke the kiss as he became conscious his lover's situation. 

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered against Alex's lips then released his hold on the younger man's wrists and drew himself up on his knees. One hand skimmed the solid bulge at the front of Alex's pants, pulling a soft grunt from him. "Let me take these off." 

Alex held his breath while Fox slowly undid the button then zipper. Watched the tiny smile that came to his lips when he noticed the absence of underwear. Gasped as the tips of his lover's fingers brushed over the velvety length of his cock. And as Fox began to work his jeans down, he struggled to find the strength to help. 

Quickly, Fox pulled Alex's boots and socks off, then removed his jeans. When the younger man lay naked and quivering before him, he released a sound that sounded something like a cross between a moan and a sigh. 

So beautiful. 

Alex squirmed in the heat of Fox's stare, and his hips began to move...a slow, sinuous, unconscious thrust that sent a jolt straight through the middle of Fox's body. 

So fucking sexy. 

Alex watched Fox's hands move to his own shirt, undoing button after button. His eyes followed the garment as his lover peeled it off and let it drop to the floor, then they shifted back up to Fox's face. An ocean of sparkling green and gold stared back, and for all the turbulence Alex found lurking in those depths, Fox's every move displayed only tenderness, and his voice, soft and low, spoke sweet words. 

"You've got me so spoiled, baby," he murmured, undoing his pants. "One day without seeing your smile...one night without going to sleep with you beside me is too much." Sliding the charcoal gray material downward, he continued. "I need to see you...every day." Pants now down around his knees, he slipped his hands inside the waistband of his underwear, pushing them past his stiff cock and sending them to join the garment pooled below. "I need to touch you...I need you to touch me..." 

Alex watched Fox dispense with the rest of his clothing then lie over him. The weight of the older man's body on his was as comforting as it was arousing, and he lifted his arms, sliding them around his love's back, stroking the hot skin. 

"...I need to tell you I love you," Fox breathed, the warmth of his words flowing over Alex's lips. He lowered his head further, their mouths now touching. "I need to show you. Every day." His tongue danced across his lover's lower lip then met its mate in an all too brief caress. "I want to show you now, Alex. Let me show you how much I love you..." 

Fox's last two words were muffled and lost as both men came together in a soulful kiss. For an eternity they fed hungrily on each other's mouths, neither man willing to separate from the other. But the insistent press of Alex's cock against Fox's thigh captured the older man's attention. 

Breaking the kiss, Fox looked down into almost black eyes. His hand slipped between them, grasping Alex's cock at the base and squeezing gently. He watched the younger man's eyes roll upward and listened to the hard gasp, and he knew how close to the edge he was. Carefully, he removed his hand, letting it just barely tease the length of the flushed organ as he did. 

Whimpering in protest, Alex's hips bucked, pushing his cock hard against Fox's thigh, and the older man shifted position, easing the pressure. He looked down into tortured eyes, expecting a stronger objection, but Alex said nothing. 

Rewarded with another kiss for his acquiescence, the younger man lay quietly beneath his lover, his hands traveling slowly over his back and shoulders. Waiting. 

Breaking the kiss, Fox moved slowly downward, mouth and tongue creating a moist path along Alex's throat and chest, pausing to tease both nipples to painful hardness before moving on. 

Alex winced at the stinging little nips being scattered over his abdomen even as his cock pounded in response. 

He wanted to beg. To ask Fox to please end his torment, but Jesus, it felt so good. It'd been days since either man had felt the other's mouth on him...satiny smooth skin...tasted the intoxicating salty sweetness that they would know anywhere, and the thought that this might have never been again...Alex couldn't ask. He had to have more. As he knew that Fox did. Needed it more than he needed to feel the mutual explosion that would leave them both weak and so utterly satisfied. 

Drowning in Alex's scent...his taste and the texture of him, Fox lingered at the younger man's midsection, thoroughly bathing the heated skin with his tongue. He moved lower, stopping to tease Alex's navel before his roughened cheek brushed over the stony length of his lover's cock. Alex's body jerked, and an abbreviated moan rumbled in his throat, and Fox smiled, repeating the action just once more before switching his attention to the sensitive insides of the other man's thighs. 

Alex's body tightened another notch even as his mouth fell open on a harsh gasp. The contrasting sensations of Fox's soft mouth and light stubble against his inner thigh, and the silky brush of golden-brown hair against his cock and balls drove him crazy. Ten more seconds of this and... 

Fox lifted his head, recognizing the intense desperation in Alex's tone as the younger man sobbed his name. Depositing a soft kiss on the base of his lover's cock, he slithered up to meet Alex's hazy stare. 

"Can't make it?" 

"I want to," Alex panted, moving his hands restlessly over Fox's ass. "I'm trying..." 

Fox studied his lover for a short time then moved a few inches lower and tucked his head under his chin. He lay motionless except for the occasional brush of his lips over Alex's shoulder, and when the erratic rise and fall of the other's chest slowed a bit, he lifted his head and looked into half-closed eyes. 

"Better?" he whispered, letting his thumb rasp back and forth just above Alex's right nipple. 

"A little," Alex breathed, combing his fingers through Fox's hair. 

"Good." 

Creases form between Alex's eyebrows, and he moaned softly as Fox's head shifted a fraction, and he felt the tip of the older man's tongue flick over his nipple. 

"Jesus. Fox, oh... _Christ_." 

Fox pulled at the hard nub, sucking and licking while Alex squirmed beneath him. He knew that in just those few seconds, Alex had again reached the same intense level of arousal he'd been at before, and there was only one way to bring him down. 

Whimpering breathlessly, Alex endured the loss of stimulation and watched his lover open the nightstand drawer. Withdrawing what he needed, the older man pulled himself up, straddling Alex's waist then handed one package to him. 

"Put it on for me," Fox commanded softly, stroking himself while Alex ripped at the foil with shaking hands. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply as Alex swiped away the viscous pearl of fluid at the tip of his cock before placing the latex over the head and rolling it on. He opened his eyes and watched the man beneath him then lift his fingers to his mouth and hungrily suck the trace of semen away. A smoldering gaze lifted itself to his, and Alex removed his fingers, letting them curl around his sheathed cock. 

"The day you're able to slide down my throat without this thing, I'm going to suck you dry." 

The corner of Fox's mouth twitched at the lewd declaration, and he handed the lube to the younger man. 

"Soon, baby," he croaked, watching Alex's hand wander lovingly over his cock, distributing the cool gel. When Alex finished, he backed up a bit, sliding the second condom onto his lover. He held his hand out, accepting a little lube and smoothing it over the latex-encased shaft. 

The veins stood out on Alex's neck as he gritted his teeth, enduring the extreme pleasure of Fox's touch. He emitted several shuddering breaths as Fox's hand moved away, then wrapped his arms around the older man as Fox stretched out over him. 

Finding his lover's mouth with his own, Fox slid his hands under Alex's thighs and lifted, encouraging the other man to wrap his legs around his waist. With one hand, he grasped his erection at the base and guided it between the smooth cheeks of Alex's ass, grunting into the younger man's mouth as he pushed the head inside. Alex's fingers clenched in his back, and the other's tongue plunged into his open mouth as he thrust deeper, and the combined sensations rippled through his body, prompting him to move more quickly. 

Alex jerked his head away, breaking the deep kiss, and groaned loudly. 

" _God_. Harder...Jesus, Fox...please..." 

Pinpoints of sweat broke out over Fox's face as for a few seconds, he gave his lover what he asked for. Alex yelped sharply as he slammed into him at least half a dozen times, but the noise soon turned into a pleading whimper as he slowed considerably. 

"No...Fox...dont stop. God, please don't." 

"I won't," Fox gasped, thrusting as gently as he could. "I can't." But he maintained his frustrating pace, drawing many a protest from the man beneath him. 

"Shhh. Easy, baby," Fox whispered shakily, trying to calm his distressed lover. "Look at me." 

Dark, tormented eyes lifted to focus on the older man's face. 

"Relax, sweetheart," Fox purred, stroking the side of Alex's face and head soothingly. "Breathe and just..." He stopped speaking for a moment and thrust slowly into the younger man. "...Feel me." 

Eyes never leaving Fox's face, Alex took in a shaky breath and let it out. Another followed, and as Fox began to move in a leisurely rhythm, he struggled to comply with his lover's request. He concentrated on Fox's hands, stroking and holding him so gently. The muscles in Fox's back. Flexing under his touch...and the imposing presence inside him... 

Feeling the incredible physical possession of his body and the softer, loving possession of his heart, Alex emitted a long, fragmented sigh. Drowning in the glittering amber of his lover's eyes, it hit him. Suddenly. Just like that. 

He'd known for a long time now that Fox loved him. But as sure as he was of that, he was equally as sure that it would only be a matter of time until something happened to end it. But now, lying here beneath Fox, looking into his eyes like he'd done so many times before, he saw what blind terror had never allowed him to see. And just like that, it was all gone. The ache he carried every day in his heart. The fear that sooner or later this thing between them would run its course, and he would have to leave. All gone. 

Fox had killed a man for him. Not because Alex was a terrible influence on him. Not because Fox was trying to prove to Alex and himself that he really did love him. He did it for the reason Alex would have done it if their situations were reversed. Fox truly, desperately, unconditionally loved him, just as he'd tried to make Alex believe so many times before. And, plain and simple, any one who'd tried to hurt him would have Fox to deal with. 

In that fraction of an instant, lightning had finally struck. This would not end. Fox would never stop loving him. Their lives and their souls were one. Always. 

Fox stopped his languid movements and frowned as Alex's eyes welled up and spilled over. 

"What?" he asked, barely above a cracked whisper as he brushed the moisture away from one cheek. 

Alex shook his head as more tears fell. "I love you," he gasped, choking back a sob. 

"I love you too, baby," Fox answered, pushing the hair back from the younger man's face. 

"I know." A tiny sob escaped from Alex's constricted throat, and he pulled Fox down into a fierce embrace. "I know, I know, I..." 

A barrage of kisses fell on the confused man's face and shoulders as Alex began to rock against him. Vowing to figure it all out later, Fox responded, pushing deeply, again and again into his lover. 

" _Christ_ ," Alex groaned, clawing at Fox's back. "Oh, God. Fox..." 

"Easy," Fox breathed against Alex's mouth before capturing it with his own. At the same time, he wrapped a hand around the younger man's cock, and Alex bucked against him, his cries lost in his lover's kiss. 

Gently, Fox milked Alex's cock as he settled into a constant rhythm. He broke the kiss, panting heavily as his body tightened and shuddered, well on its way to ecstasy. His lover's harsh wails prompted him to quicken his pace, and as he did, Alex's head snapped back into the pillows, and the younger man released a bone-jarring roar. Bucking wildly, Alex came seconds later, taking Fox with him into he storm that encircled and consumed them both. When it was over, Fox slumped over Alex, moaning softly and licking the sweat from the side of his neck. 

Alex lay motionless beneath his lover's weight, too drained at the moment for his mind to process the sensation. When he finally began to come around, he moaned and raised a hand to Fox's head, lovingly petting the golden-brown strands. 

Fox kissed the spot he'd previously been licking and lifted his head to look at his weary lover. 

"You okay?" 

"Mmm hmm." 

Cupping Alex's cheek, Fox came in for a tender kiss then pulled back. His thumb stroked the younger man's face as he studied him intently. Alex stared back at his lover, dreamy eyed, though tears still glistened at the tips of his lashes. 

Still unsure of what was in the younger man's mind, but fairly confident that it was nothing really bad, Fox smiled down at him. 

"Good to be home." 

Alex nodded and pulled Fox down to his chest, wrapping the older man in a snug embrace. 

The two lay silently for a long while, nuzzling and stroking each other, then Fox spoke. 

"Would I be spoiling the mood if I was to tell you that I'm really hungry?" 

Alex smiled into the older man's hair and squeezed him a little more tightly. 

"What d'you want to eat?" 

"I don't know," Fox mumbled. "What's here?" 

"The kitchen is stocked. Wanna go have a look?" 

Fox nipped at Alex's throat then kissed the same spot. "Yeah. How 'bout a quick shower first?" 

Agreeing, Alex let Fox strip them both of their used condoms and lift himself to his feet. He took the older man's outstretched hand and was pulled up and straight into Fox's arms. He giggled softly as Fox closed his teeth over the muscle between his neck and shoulder, and he tapped his lover's rear lightly with one hand. 

"If you're thinking that slapping my ass is going to act as a deterrent, let me tell ya..." 

Alex broke into laughter and pulled Fox into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, both men emerged, damp and barely dressed. Fox walked a couple of steps behind Alex, watching the tempting sway of his ass, snugly encased in a pair of lightweight boxer briefs. 

"Okay, you name it, I got it," Alex rambled, walking into the kitchen. "You want sandwiches? There's roast beef, peanut butter, jelly, fluff, ham, liverwurst..." 

"Liverwurst?" Fox repeated, wrinkling his nose. 

"Fine, so don't eat it." Alex opened a cabinet door and went on. "I can open a can of something. Soup, stew, clam chowder..." Walking over to the refrigerator, he opened the door on the left. "Frozen pizza, waffles, shit!" 

Fox laughed, jumping back as the other man whirled to face him. 

"You pinched me!" 

"Sorry," Fox apologized without an ounce of sincerity in his voice. "It's your fault." 

"S'cuse me?" 

Fox nodded. "For having such a pretty ass. It's all round and tight, and..." He shrugged and grinned at the younger man. "I had to...it was like my hand had a mind of its own." 

Alex snorted. "Nice. Are you done now? Can we get back to lunch?" 

"I guess." The grin grew wider. "Just don't turn your back on me." 

Alex sighed heavily and opened the door to the right. Peering inside, he began running down another list. 

"There's stuff for salad, left over spaghetti..." 

"Actually, a big salad sounds good." 

"Okay." 

"With chunks of ham." 

Alex grabbed the ham and cradled the package in the crook of his arm, alongside the spinach and cucumbers. 

"And hard boiled eggs." 

Alex turned and looked blankly at his smirking lover before reaching back into the refrigerator for the eggs. 

"You got the tomatoes?" 

"You want me to drop the eggs?" Alex asked, moving over to the counter. 

Chuckling softly, Fox moved to the refrigerator and retrieved the tomatoes and salad dressing. 

"Hey, we got any Italian bread?" 

"French." 

"That'll work. Uh..." Fox looked around, realizing that he was going to have to learn where everything was. "Where'd you put it?" 

Alex turned from the sink, where he'd begun to wash the spinach. "In there," he answered, motioning to the set of doors to the left of the stove. 

Fox located the bread and a knife, and began to slice the loaf. As he began to make his fourth cut, he glanced over at Alex, who was now slicing a cucumber. He put the knife down and turned to face the younger man. Leaning against the counter, he ran one finger down the shadowed jaw. 

"Have I ever told you how sexy domestic Alex is?" 

Alex flattened both palms on the counter and bent over it, laughing. 

"What're you laughing at?" Fox huffed. "I'm serious." 

"I know you are," Alex replied, still laughing. "That's what makes it funny." 

Fox scowled at the other. "Why's that?" 

"Only you, Fox, could find something sexy in hacking up a cucumber." 

"It wouldn't be sexy on anybody else." 

Grinning, Alex turned into Fox's warmth and draped his arms over the other man's shoulders. 

"No?" 

Fox wrapped Alex in his arms and shook his head. "Only you." 

Alex answered with a soft chuckle and gave his lover a gentle kiss. 

"I love you." 

"Then feed me." 

More chuckling. "Let go of me, and I will." 

Fox released the younger man and helped him prepare the salad, then the two settled down in the living room with their meal. Halfway through, Fox slowed his pace, focusing his attention on the other man. 

As he plunged his fork into his salad, Alex felt the weight of Fox's stare resting on him. He froze, shifting only his eyes up to his lover's face. When the older man said nothing, he lifted his head and gave him a wary smile. 

"What?" 

"There's a change in you." 

"A change?" 

Fox nodded. "I could see it in your face earlier while we were making love. It was almost as though you'd had some sort of a...a revelation or something. Then you just got this peaceful look on your face afterward." He smiled at the other man. "It's still there." 

Alex bowed his head and smiled. 

"You were so upset earlier," Fox went on. "What changed?" 

Alex hesitated then looked up at the other man. 

"You might get mad at me." 

Fox smirked at the soft warning. "Why would I get mad at something that's obviously made you feel better?" 

"Because...it's something you've been trying to get me to believe for as long as we've been together. And I really just finally got it." 

Fox reached out, caressing the side of his lover's face and waited. 

"Im not afraid anymore," Alex explained, his lips curving into a sweet smile. 

Fox didn't need to ask what he meant. But he did want to know how. 

"What happened?" the older man asked, gently trailing his fingertips over Alex's throat. 

"It just..." Alex shrugged and snapped his fingers. "...happened." He focused a worshipful stare on his lover. "You and me. I got that now." 

Fox set his plate down and wound an arm around Alex's waist, pulling the other man toward him. 

"I'm glad," he murmured before fastening his lips on the other man's. Breaking away after long seconds, he grinned. "Hey, I like the taste of your salad dressing better than mine. What is that?" 

Alex laughed softly, relieved that Fox wasn't upset about him taking so long to come to his senses. "Honey bacon." 

Another kiss. "Yeah, that's good," Fox said, confirming his earlier statement. 

Alex speared some of the contents of his plate and brought the loaded fork up to Fox's mouth. 

"I'll share it with you if you want." 

Fox took the offering, thanking Alex with a peck on his cheek then picked up his own plate. 

"It's okay, I'll eat mine. I'll just remember the next time that I like the honey bacon better." 

"You sure?" Alex pressed. "I can chuck this and get you more." 

"No, babe. It's fine, really." Fox kissed the tip of his lover's nose. "Thanks, though." 

When the meal was finished and everything was cleaned up, the two retired again to the living room, where Fox reclined against the arm of the couch and pulled Alex back to his chest. They lounged quietly, enjoying just being close, then Alex cleared his throat and spoke. 

"Skinner's not such a bad guy." 

Busily nuzzling the sable hair beneath his chin, Fox murmured into it, "Even if he is a puss." 

"Huh?" 

"He wasn't supposed to tell you where I was, and he caved. You gave him that look, didn't you?" 

Alex could hear the humor in his lover's voice. 

"What look?" 

"You know the one," Fox insisted. "That turn a man's insides to mush and his dick to stone look." 

Alex dissolved into laughter. "S'cuse me?" 

"That's right. Nobody can resist that look. I know I sure as hell can't. And if Skinner's still hot for you, and I can't imagine that he isn't, he went down in flames too." 

"I don't have a look." 

"Oh yeah, you have; trust me." 

Alex snorted softly. "So anyway. He was pretty decent to me. He could have bolted after he told me what you were really up to, but he didn't. He stayed and listened to me rant. By the way, we really should stop threatening to kill him." 

Fox tipped Alex's head up, meeting his lover's gaze. 

"What?" 

"Well, you've threatened him. I've threatened him...the man's starting to develop a complex." 

"Okay..." 

Alex switched back to the subject. 

"And he talked to me. Tried to reason with me. You know what a job that is when I'm being unreasonable." 

"Oh yeah, I know." 

Alex gave the older man's knee a half-hearted swat. 

"He let me have it after reason didn't really work. Shocked the hell out of me. Not so much what he'd said, but that he knew that it had to be said, and he cared enough to say it." 

"What'd he say?" 

"In a nutshell, he told me to get my shit together and be the man you deserve instead of just whining about it." 

Before Fox could unleash the torrent of protest Alex saw coming, the younger man silenced him with a swift kiss. Pulling back, he continued. 

"He wasn't out of line, Fox. Actually, he was pretty insightful. Of course maybe it doesn't take a genius to see how stupid I was being." 

"Alex, you're not stupid." 

"Not generally, no. But I was being stupid about us...you. I had the whole scenario all set in my mind. You'd love me today. Maybe tomorrow. Then you wouldn't. And that would be it. I'd sit back and let it happen because it was what I deserved. My destiny. 

"You know, the old Alex Krycek might have been a low down snake, but there was one quality he possessed, as Skinner so astutely pointed out, that was a positive one. He didn't believe in destiny. He didn't sit around and wait for things to happen. He made them happen. He was in control, and he got what he wanted." He looked up into Fox's face, his eyes burning an intense green. "I want _you_." 

"You've got me," Fox answered, his mouth hovering within a breath of Alex's. The younger man nodded. 

"That's basically what Skinner was trying to tell me. And even though I'd told myself on occasion that I'd do whatever I had to do to keep you, it was half-hearted. I didn't truly believe that I had any choice in the matter. Despite all your assurances, I never really believed deep in my heart that there was anything I could do to make you always want me. I never thought I should even try." 

"Because you still thought I'd be better off without you." 

Alex averted his eyes and nodded, acknowledging the observation. 

"And now you really know how untrue that is?" 

Alex turned to the side, resting now on his hip. Nestling into his lover's embrace, he sighed softly. 

"I know. I'm sorry about all that I've put you through." 

"Don't apologize," Fox replied, tightening his hold on the man in his arms. "Everything I've been through, you've been through. And much more. The important thing is that we're together. All that's happened, and all that's been done to us hasn't destroyed us." He emphasized his next words with a firm squeeze. "We won, Alex. We're together. We're strong." He slipped a hand under Alex's chin and lifted, meeting his lover's shining eyes. "You and me." 

A slow smile lit the younger man's face. Full and beautiful and exuding a confidence Fox had rarely seen in all the months since they had become lovers. He wrapped his arms around Fox's neck, hugging the older man tightly, and echoing his last words. 

"You and me." He shifted slightly, burying his face in the curve of Fox's throat. "Jesus, I feel so..." He paused, looking for the right words. "... _light_." 

Fox understood. 

"About time, huh?" 

"Yeah." Alex nuzzled his lover's throat. "Thank you for being so patient." 

"Baby," Fox murmured. "You know I'd never run short of patience." 

"I know," Alex whispered. "I love you so much, Fox." He kissed the steady pulse beneath his lips. "I never thought I'd ever be happy. Or loved. Thank you for loving me." 

"Thank _you_ ," Fox countered, capturing his lover's mouth in a thorough kiss. When he released it, he stared down into softly glowing eyes. "For giving me the chance. We're going to have a good life, Alex," he whispered, stroking the younger man's hair. "And it starts right now." 

Alex stretched up for a long kiss, feeling his lover's body harden against him. He moaned softly, deepening the kiss as one hand began to wander, gliding over Fox's bare chest and stomach. "Fox," he whispered against the older man's mouth, prompting a muffled reply. 

"Hmm?" 

"I want you." 

Fox smiled against his lover's mouth. "What a coincidence. I was just..." 

Before Fox could finish his sentence, Alex had spun into a kneeling position and was pulling him down onto his back. Now being straddled by the younger man, he stared up into twin pools of smoldering green. His swelling cock strained against his underwear, and his mouth fell open on a soft gasp. He'd seen that raw, predatory look in Alex's eyes only a handful of times since they'd been together, and it excited him more than he could ever explain. 

Alex dropped down, balancing himself on his hands and knees, and he stared intently at the man beneath him. Fox stared back silently, waiting for him to sort out his thoughts, and when he spoke, it was in a soft, steady tone. 

"I've done a lot of taking. I know you've given me everything you have gladly, and I know you'd continue to give as long as I needed it." He lowered his head, brushing his lips over Fox's. "Tonight I'm going to give back," he promised, making Fox sigh against his teasing mouth. "Until you scream." 

Fox whimpered into Alex's open mouth, his sounds of arousal muffled as the younger man's tongue plunged inside, scouring the soft walls, seeking its mate. Blissfully, he submitted to the invasion, and when Alex eventually pulled away, he forced his eyes open and looked up expectantly. 

Alex rose to his feet, giving Fox an excellent view of the bulge in his underwear. Holding out his hand, he waited for the other man to take it, then pulled him up off of the sofa. 

"Come with me." 

"Where are we going?" Fox asked, dropping his head to Alex's shoulder as the younger man pulled him into his arms. 

"Back to bed," Alex rasped, brushing his lips against the surface of Fox's hair. Again taking his lover's hand, he moved toward the bedroom, where he pushed Fox down onto the rumpled sheets. The corner of his mouth twitched, and his heart beat a little faster as he looked down at the man laid out before him in an enticing sprawl. Eyes of smoky green and amber stared back, waiting. 

"So beautiful," Alex moaned, running his hands over the now writhing body. He slipped his fingers into the waistband of Fox's underwear and slid them off, revealing a solid, deeply flushed erection. In one fluid movement, he pushed his own underwear off and kneeled on the bed over Fox, stroking the older man everywhere his hands could reach. He watched the curtain of golden-brown lashes drop over his lover's eyes, and the sinfully luscious mouth part on a shuddering sigh, and his cock gave a hard twitch. 

"Feel good, baby?" he asked, letting the backs of his knuckles skim the underside of the other's cock. 

Eyes still closed, Fox nodded as he arched into the light caress. 

Alex took his hand away and leaned over the prone man, licking delicately at his lips. 

"I can make you feel better." 

Fox whimpered at the whispered vow. "Please," he begged softly, trying to capture the teasing tongue and failing on each attempt. "Alex...please..." 

His pleas were suddenly cut off as Alex's mouth covered his, kissing him deeply. A long moan rumbled in his throat as his lover settled on top of him, and his hands moved to the younger man's body, stroking and massaging. Again and again they traveled the sinewy length of Alex's back, detouring often to worship the smooth, generous curve of his rear, and when Alex began to rock against him, his fingers tightened convulsively in the firm muscles. 

"Alex," he gasped, breaking from his lover's kiss. "I can't...can't wait. Please..." 

"Yes you can," Alex murmured, incurring a frustrated groan from the other man. "Just a little bit longer...okay?" 

Fox whimpered pitifully but issued no more protest, which Alex readily understood as consent. He gave Fox a sweet smile and nipped gently at the pouting mouth. 

"Hasn't been very often that I get to have my way with you. I know that's my fault, but I'd like to start making up for it." 

Fox lay trembling beneath Alex as the younger man continued nipping, working his way down his throat and chest and settling on one tight nipple. 

"Would you like that, baby?" he asked, dragging his tongue over the stiff peak. 

Nodding slightly, Fox whimpered his answer as Alex's teeth closed over the nipple and tugged. 

"Thought so." Alex switched sides and attended to its neglected twin, sucking it into his mouth and flicking his tongue over the rigid tip. Fox shivered beneath him, anxiously threading his fingers through his hair, but the older man said nothing. He didn't need to. The expression in his eyes...the trembling and incredible heat of his body said all Alex needed to know. 

Fox's back arched, and his fingers tightened around the strands of hair between them as Alex bit down gently on the nipple in his mouth and pulled. His hips pushed upward as well, trapping his cock and Alex's between the firm press of their bodies, and a rough moan vibrated around the flesh in the younger man's mouth. 

"Are you trying to tease me?" Alex asked, releasing Fox's nipple and flicking his tongue over it. "You think you're going to get me to give in sooner?" 

A tiny hint of a smile curved the generous mouth, and Fox shook his head, arching once more into Alex's body. He watched the green of Alex's eyes disappear behind the thick veil of his lashes, and heard the deep intake of breath, and he thought that if he continued to tease just a bit longer... 

Alex rolled off of Fox and settled on his side, to the older man's right. Smiling at the whine of protest, he very lightly circled the head of his cock with one finger. 

"It's my show," he purred, leaning in to lick a moist path along Fox's jaw. "And I don't want to end it yet." 

Silently, Fox pouted, trying to gain his lover's sympathy. 

"You know what?" Alex asked, rubbing his lips against the other's. "It makes me so fucking hot when you do that." 

"Hot enough to fuck me?" Fox asked, breaking his silence. 

"Mmm hmm," Alex answered softly. "But then a sneeze could do that." 

Fox moaned in response, licking at Alex's lips as they continued to brush over his. 

"Very tempting," Alex whispered. "But..." He pulled away, leaving a frustrated Fox whimpering and reaching for him. Grasping his lover's wrists, he held them in a firm grip and kissed his hands. His gaze rested on the older man's face as his tongue drifted across each fingertip then down to tickle the warm palms. "You want to touch me, Fox?" he asked, nipping at the heel of one hand. 

"Yes," Fox hissed softly, ineffectually fighting his lover's restraining grip. 

Alex pulled Fox's hands to his chest, flattening them against the smooth expanse. 

"Easy," he instructed, releasing his hold on the other's wrists. "Don't rush it." 

Obeying the softly issued order, Fox's trembling hands wandered slowly over his lover's chest and shoulders, caressing and kneading the flexing muscle. 

"I love the way your hands feel on me," Alex whispered, struggling to keep his eyes open. His head tipped back, and he emitted a long sigh. "So good." He opened his eyes and cast a smoky stare on the older man. "God, baby, you make me feel so good." 

Unable to tear himself away from his lover's hypnotic gaze, Fox brushed his fingers across both nipples and watched the sable lashes drop again, hiding the intense green of Alex's eyes. He lingered a while, teasing the tightly constricted nubs then moved downward, skimming the taut surface of the other man's abdomen. 

Alex's lips parted on a contented sigh as Fox continued his unhurried explorations. One hand rose to the other man's head, lovingly petting the golden-brown silk, and he arched slightly as Fox's hands moved lower still. 

"Touch me," he whispered, feeling the other's fingers brush through the nest of dark curls at his groin. Fox obeyed, feathering the rigid length of his cock, and he groaned deep in his throat, letting his lover know how much that simple touch aroused him. 

Wanting desperately to wrap his hand around the younger man's cock and stroke the full, flushed length of it, Fox battled the urge. Alex was in control, and Fox wouldn't take it from him. They'd both waited too long for Alex's confidence to build to this point. 

There'd been other times. Fleeting moments of self-assurance that had left Fox shuddering in their magnificence. But those moments were far too few, and had always left him wanting much more. He'd known, though, that emotionally, Alex hadn't been ready. All those years of pain and degradation had exhausted him so completely, he simply hadn't been capable of being the man he'd so longed to be...the man that Fox had deserved. 

But now he would be. For the first time he truly could be. Fox's unwavering love and fierce devotion to him had slowly seeped in and renewed his tired soul. His infinite patience, and his lethal response to the recent hurt visited upon Alex had reassured and calmed the younger man's frightened heart, and now blessed peace had finally settled over him, completely and permanently, and Alex had never felt so strong. 

Alex opened his eyes and looked down at the man so tenderly stroking his cock. Studied the dreamy expression on the other's face, and he managed a shaky smile. 

His. Crazy and miraculous and forever. 

Fox raised his head, looking curiously at Alex as the younger man emitted something of a cross between a moan and a laugh. 

"What?" he whispered, kissing his lover's chest. 

Taking a long deep breath, Alex shook his head and said nothing. 

"Are you laughing at me?" Fox sulked, knowing full well how it affected the other man. 

"Not you," Alex reassured, petting Fox's head. "Everything." His hand slid down to cup the other man's cheek. "This feeling...it's wild, it's...such a short time ago it would have been impossible." His thumb rasped across the stubble-shadowed skin. "I don't ever want to lose it." 

Fox nuzzled his lover's palm as his hand continued to lightly caress his cock. 

"That makes two of us." 

"I didn't mean it that way, I...I just..." Alex gave Fox a crooked smile. "Never mind. C'mere." 

Fox brought himself face to face with Alex and was pulled into a deep kiss before the younger man put a few inches between them. He let himself be turned onto his stomach, and then Alex was kneeling over him, straddling his thighs. 

Fox's low moan rumbled against Alex's hands as he began to massage the other man's back. His cock twitched in response, rubbing against Fox's rear as he purposely, slowly rocked back and forth. 

"Fresh." 

"You haven't _seen_ fresh," Alex responded gruffly, leaning in to nip at the back of Fox's neck. 

"Mmmmm. You promise?" Fox asked, arching against Alex and receiving a wicked little chuckle for an answer. He gasped loudly as the younger man surprised him with a sound slap to his right ass cheek. Trapped between his body and the mattress, his cock throbbed, and he writhed and moaned beneath the younger man. He felt the slight weight shift, and Alex leaned down to whisper into his ear. He shuddered at the warm flow of breath, and then the low hum of his lover's voice. 

"Yeah, I promise." 

Alex watched Fox's lips curl up into a lazy smile, and he licked at the left corner. 

"Wouldn't you like to do something about that?" Fox asked, once again pushing up against Alex's rock-solid cock. "It must be getting kind of painful." 

"It is," Alex answered softly, bearing down again on the other man. "It really is." 

"Then fuck me," Fox pleaded breathily. "Please?" 

"Soon," Alex replied, running his fingers through the wealth of golden-brown hair at the back of Fox's head. He kissed Fox's earlobe then moved on, leaving a moist trail down the side of his neck. He bit gently into the older man's shoulder then licked the same spot before moving in to tease the sensitive back of his neck. 

Fox let out a shuddering breath and lifted his head a bit from the pillows. He mouthed the younger man's name then followed it by another barely heard plea for mercy. Alex's only answer was to suck the flesh into his mouth and leave a small red mark there. Fox's fingers clenched in the sheets as his lover moved steadily south, licking and kissing every inch of the way. As the other man reached the rising swell of his ass, a clipped grunt broke past his clenched teeth. 

Immersed in bliss, Alex bathed the smooth skin, letting his tongue dance only briefly into the cleft between the muscular cheeks. The loud, coarse grunt that sounded from the pillows above him spoke loud and clear of the torment Fox suffered. Alex dipped his tongue shallowly once more into the warm crevice, promising a not too distant future of such unimaginable, unbearably sweet pleasure. He couldn't wait to drown with Fox in those dark waters. Just a little longer. A little bit longer, and there'd be no holding him back. 

Fox whimpered and twisted, frustrated beyond words as Alex pulled away. A soft touch gentled his thrashing, and the brush of Alex's mouth over the small of his back turned his whimpering to a low breathy sigh. 

"We'll finish it soon," Alex murmured against the velvety skin before his tongue moved in a broad swipe across the width of Fox's lower back. 

"Now," Fox whined, knowing that his demand would get him nowhere, but feeling the urgent need to voice his frustrations. 

"No." 

The warm flow of Alex's breath as he spoke the single word tickled the fine golden hairs at the base of Fox's spine, and he arched into it, meeting the teasing lips briefly. The younger man pulled away, and Fox shivered at the loss of his warmth. An unintelligible plea escaped his throat, and when he received no response, he turned his head to follow Alex's movements. 

Extending one leg out to his side, Alex balanced himself on one knee as he reached toward the nightstand. As quickly as his awkward position would allow, he grabbed a couple of condoms and the lube, and he settled his weight over Fox's rear, sitting for the moment in an upright position. He looked down at Fox, watching the flutter of his lover's eyelashes as he rolled one of the condoms over his cock. Such an innocent thing, that tiny flutter, and yet his breath caught in his throat, and he had to force himself to inhale deeply. The lashes lifted, and a hazy, greenish-gray gaze shifted up to his face. 

"Alex?" 

Alex released the breath and answered. 

"Yeah, baby?" 

Fox's mouth turned down into an exquisite, cock-hardening pout, and he rubbed the side of his face into the pillow. 

"I need...you..." 

"How much?" Alex asked hoarsely. "Tell me how much, Fox." 

"It hurts," Fox choked, clenching his fingers in the sheets. "God, I...I ache with it. Please," he gasped breathlessly as Alex slowly stroked some lube onto his sheathed cock. "Please...Jesus Alex, I'll do anything, just please don't make me wait anymore..." 

"I won't," Alex promised, turning Fox onto his back and pulling him into position. Guiding the head of his cock to small opening hidden between the other man's ass cheeks, he pushed tentatively, feeling the muscle slowly yield to him. His eyes rolled up, and his lashes drooped, forming a dense curtain over the twin pools of deep green as he slowly buried himself in his lover's silken heat. 

"Is that what you wanted?" he whispered, freezing halfway in, afraid that anything more would trigger the explosion he was now fighting to contain. 

Fox nodded frantically and began to rock against Alex, but the younger man quickly gripped his hips and stopped him. 

"Wait," Alex breathed, his fingers biting into the flesh they held as he attempted to hold off orgasm. 

Muffling his whimpers, Fox obeyed the shaken command and ceased movement. He waited for what seemed to him like hours before Alex began to move again. Inch by inch the younger man pushed forward until he was completely embedded in Fox's ass, then he stopped again. 

"Christ," he panted, the one word gasp ruffling Fox's hair. The older man stroked his back and kissed one shoulder, then spoke softly to him. 

"If you can't," Fox began, pausing to take a breath. "Can't hold on..." 

"No," Alex interrupted. "I'm all right." 

"Alex..." 

"It's your fault," Alex told Fox, attempting a pained smile. 

"My..." 

The younger man soundly kissed Fox then drew his tongue across his lips. "If you weren't so damn sexy." Another deep breath. "You drive me insane." 

The admission gained a tiny smile from Fox. He tightened his muscles, squeezing Alex gently, and the younger man nearly lost it. 

"God. Ah, _shit_." Alex gritted his teeth, panting heavily for long moments, then he turned his attention on the man beneath him. 

"Bad Fox," he warned unevenly just before another solid slap was delivered to Fox's ass. The older man yelped sharply then began to moan as he writhed against him. 

"You like that?" Alex cooed, caressing the patch of flesh he'd just struck. 

Fox nodded, lifting his head to lap at the other man's mouth. 

"Damn, you're an unbelievable slut," Alex murmured, the statement smothered in affection. "My beautiful, outrageous slut." 

Fox flinched as the next slap landed in the same vicinity as the first. He groaned deep in his throat, and his fingers dug into Alex's back as he squirmed and rocked desperately against the younger man. 

" _Fuck_ ," Alex grated, feeling the electricity again begin to sizzle through his extremities and lower body. There was no stopping it this time. He didn't even want to try. Without warning, his mouth came down hard on Fox's, and he began to move, thrusting forcefully into the other man. He jerked out of the kiss, snarling through gritted teeth as he felt the rush of ecstasy bearing down on him. He slammed erratically into Fox, sobbing with each thrust, and then he broke. 

Fox took stroke after punishing stroke, submitting completely to Alex's ferocious possession of his body. His aching cock trapped between them, the friction from it was enough to take Fox over the edge, and he joined his lover on the brief journey into rapture. Alex's furious roars sounded endlessly in his ear, triggering his own raucous reaction, and the hot, slick proof of his climax burst between them, providing ease of motion as his lover continued to thrash against him. 

Soon enough Alex began to falter, alternately slowing to a near stop, then bucking violently in a millisecond-long burst of energy. Finally every last ounce of strength seeped away, and he collapsed on top of Fox, slipping out of him as he fell. His head pillowed on the older man's shoulder, he lay motionless, barely breathing as Fox weakly raised a hand to his head. 

Slowly stroking the perspiration-dampened hair, Fox whispered shakily into the nearly unconscious man's ear. 

"I'm going to love this." 

Alex lifted his head a scant few inches but kept his eyes closed. 

"Hmm?" 

"Aggressive, confident, dominant Alex. I haven't seen him nearly as much as I'd like to. I'm going to love having him on a more regular basis." 

Alex let his head drop back down to Fox's shoulder. 

"'Z'at right?" 

"Mmm hmm." 

"Maybe you won't." 

Fox kissed the side of his lover's head. "Why wouldn't I?" 

Alex shrugged. "Don't know. Just might decide you like me the way I was." 

Fox laughed softly, hugging the younger man to him. 

"I didn't say I was going to let you top me _all_ the time. I enjoy making you beg way too much." 

Alex managed a smile and snuggled against Fox's warmth. 

"But," Fox went on, "I also love when you're in control. I love being your... kracivaia suka." 

Alex burst into laughter. "You remember, huh?" 

"How could I forget?" 

Regaining some of his strength, Alex raised his head and looked down into contented, gilded eyes. 

"Jesus, this is so perfect." 

Fox squinted up at the other man. 

"You're not going to tell me it's _too_ perfect, are you?" 

"No," Alex murmured, nuzzling Fox's throat. "I'm not afraid, Fox. Not anymore. Im just grateful." He took the other man's mouth in a long, sweet kiss then released it. "So very grateful." 

Fox looked up into sparkling eyes and smiled. "That makes two of us." He stroked a few sable strands away from Alex's face then anchored his fingers in the hair at the back of the younger man's head. "And I'm damn tired." He looked down between them. "And sticky. What do you say to a warm shower, then we can get some sleep?" 

Alex shifted to look at the alarm clock and began to chuckle. 

"Well, if you really want to, but it's only ten minutes after five." 

"That's all?" Fox asked, picking his head up to see for himself. "Damn. I feel like it's midnight." 

"Actually, you aren't the only one," Alex replied, rubbing his head against Fox's shoulder. "I feel like I haven't slept in two weeks." 

"Well then, I don't think time makes a difference, does it?" Fox asked, gently pushing Alex up and off of him. "Come on, let's get cleaned up then we can crash." 

Less than half an hour later, both men were showered, the linens were changed, and they fell into bed together, Fox wrapped in the loving warmth of Alex's arms. Sleep came quickly, and neither man woke until very early in the morning. 

Fox sighed softly, blinking in the darkness. A quick glance at the alarm clock told him that it was three-thirty. He was about to close his eyes when the urge hit him to turn his head to the left. As he did, the dark outline of his lover immediately came into view. He could see only enough to realize that Alex lay there beside him, head propped in one hand, and the younger man appeared to be looking at him. 

"You awake?" he asked softly in case Alex really wasn't. 

"Mmm hmm." 

"What're you doing?" 

"Watching you sleep." 

Maybe it was the lateness of the hour that lent Alex's voice that smoky, honey and gravel tone. Maybe it was just because he'd been asleep. Whatever it was, it made Fox tingle all over. 

"I'm not sleeping now." 

"No, you're not." 

Fox had only enough time for a single breath before Alex was on him, sucking him into a tempest of blinding, deafening ecstasy. Almost an hour later, he lay dazed and unsure of what exactly had hit him. The only thing he _was_ sure of was that he was completely robbed of all of his strength, and his entire body ached most pleasurably. 

Oh yes, he was going to just _love_ dealing with this Alex on a regular basis. 

Smiling, he closed his eyes and nestled into his lover's side. 

Ahhh, life was good. 

* * *

Blue eyes closed momentarily then blinked to clear themselves before looking at the fourteenth slide the agent had just placed under the microscope. Studying the sample for not more than ten seconds, she scribbled a few words on a notepad and removed the slide, tossing it carelessly aside. 

Goddamn, this was fucking boring. 

She sighed and looked around the room, tuning in to the others around her. 

Deeply engrossed in their tasks, the lab rats as she'd come to refer to them scurried about, examining evidence, deciphering notes, running tests... 

Important work she admitted, but _shit_ , it was boring. She missed being in the field. Following Mulder from case to outrageous case. Eating in dumpy diners, sleeping in fleabag motels... 

//And whose fault is it that you aren't doing that any more?// 

Her lips formed a thin line as she thought about the one who'd ruined her life. 

//Don't think I've forgotten, Krycek. I haven't. Your day is coming. Sure as death and taxes, you fucking prick.// 

"What was that, Agent Scully?" 

Scully spun around in her seat, clearly shaken by the presence behind her. 

"What?" 

"You were mumbling something as I approached." 

The woman blinked at A.D. Skinner and shook her head. 

"Nothing. I was just...I...I suppose I was talking to myself. Been doing a lot of that lately." 

Skinner studied the agent for a split second before changing the subject. 

"How are you doing down here?" 

"I've been in the lab for almost a month now. This is the first time you've come. Though I have to say, I really didn't expect to see you at all." 

"I know." Skinner held her gaze. "I thought I'd let you get settled first." 

Scully turned back to her microscope. "Kind of you." 

"Scully..." 

"I'm very busy cataloguing these slides, sir. Is there something I can help you with?" 

"No, I...I just wanted to know if you were all right." 

Scully shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be? My career is in the toilet...which might actually be a step up from where it was, I suppose...the man who used to be my partner and best friend will have nothing to do with me. I'm stuck here in this sterile hell with half a dozen expressionless geeks to keep me company..." 

"I hate to point this out to you, Scully, but the situation you're in is one of your own making." 

"Of course," Scully hissed. "Mulder gets his stupid ass involved with an assassin turned hooker, _I_ try to save him from himself, and this is what I get for all my trouble. Makes perfect sense to me." 

"Give it a rest, Scully," Skinner snapped, keeping his voice low. "Nothing you did was for Mulder's benefit. It was all for you. You wanted Krycek, and you didn't care if you had to hurt Mulder to do it." Skinner shook his head in enduring disbelief. "Your best _friend_ , Scully." 

"I didn't _want_ to hurt him," Scully snapped back. 

"Then, why did you?" 

"I have a lot of work to do here, _sir_. If you have no business to discuss with me, I should get back to it." 

"Scully, I think you need to talk to someone." 

"About?" 

"All this anger and whatever else you're feeling. It's not normal. It's not _you_. I've known you many years, Dana. You're an intelligent, reasonable, thoughtful woman. You don't _do_ things like..." He looked around, noting that the other inhabitants of the lab were still oblivious to them. "...what you've done. I think it'd do you some good to spend some time with Doctor Kearney." 

"You think I need a psychiatrist?" Scully laughed softly. 

"I think you need to get to the bottom of all this anger before it destroys you. And maybe...just maybe if you tackle these issues of yours and show Mulder that you're trying to make things right, he'll let you back into his life." 

"Are you kidding me? Mulder and I are done. He thinks I hurt his poor, sweet, innocent Alex baby. He'll never forgive me. In fact, I'm sure he'd just as soon see me swinging from a tree as speak two words to me." 

"He _thinks_?" 

"Krycek can't be hurt. The man is scum." 

"Scum that you wanted to get into bed." 

Scully turned her face, offering no reply. 

"And he _can_ be hurt. Like you, I didn't think it was possible but the truth is, he's much more vulnerable than we could have ever dreamed." 

"What Krycek _is_ , is a damn fine actor. He sulks a little, bats his eyelashes, wiggles his ass, and you and Mulder just fall at his feet. " She laughed and shook her head. "God, that's sad." 

"What's sad, Scully, is the way your life has gone into the toilet," Skinner came back, irritation at her last observation beginning to edge his tone. "Do yourself a big favor and get some help," he advised the woman through clenched teeth. "You need it." 

Scully watched the man who used to be her boss stalk out of the lab. Ripping the glasses off of her face, she threw them down onto the desk and cursed loudly, drawing the attention of a few people. The onlookers returned to their work quickly, dismissing the outburst. 

Slouching in her seat, she snatched at the glasses, sliding them violently, back and forth across the desk. 

"Bastard," she whispered. " _Bastards_. All of 'em." 

* * *

"Yes, Kim?" 

"Sir...uh...Agent Mulder would like to see you. Is...is that all right?" 

"Yes, it's fine. Send him in." 

The side door to Skinner's office opened, and Fox walked in with a small grin glued to his face. He closed the door and approached the A.D.'s desk. 

"She thinks I'm unstable," Fox announced matter of factly. 

"She wouldn't be too far off," Skinner replied by way of a good natured insult. He motioned to Fox's regular seat. "What can I do for you?" 

"Nothing, I just...I wanted to thank you again for taking Alex to meet me at the airport." 

Skinner nodded. "Did you two talk?" 

"Yeah. Took a while but everything's fine." Fox smiled. "Better than fine." 

The older man nodded. "Good. He was pretty wigged out the night before." 

"I know. Sorry I got mad at you for telling him." Fox laughed softly to himself. "I guess I shouldn't have put you in the position where you had to even try." 

"It's all right," Skinner assured the other man. "You needed *somebody's* help." He was silent for a second then heaved a quick breath. "I saw Scully earlier. I went down to the lab looking for her." 

Fox's expression went blank. "What for?" 

"To see how she was." 

Fox looked down at his knee, brushing away an invisible speck of lint. 

"So?" 

"I don't know how it happened, when or where, but she's turned into someone I don't recognize. Bitter. Angry. She can't or won't see that it's her own fault the she is where she is." 

"Let me guess," Fox broke in. "She blames all of her crap on Alex." 

"Mostly. She's also not too happy with either of us." 

"Well, I know she was pissed at me, but you too?" 

Skinner answered truthfully. 

"She thinks we're a couple of besotted fools, mooning over Krycek, and he's using it to his sinister advantage." 

One golden-brown eyebrow arched ever so slightly, and Skinner held one hand up in defense. 

" _She_ said it. Maybe not in those exact words, but it's definitely what she meant." 

"I'd be the first one to admit that _I_ moon over Alex..." 

Skinner remained silent. 

"I've said this to you before," Fox told the older man. "I know. I...the pull is incredible. Alex has got his own gravitational field." 

Skinner snorted softly in careful agreement. 

"I'm sorry it's sucked you in. I know the feeling well, and I know how it can drive you crazy." 

"I'm fine," Skinner assured the other man. "And though I've told you before, I hope you really know that I would never..." 

"I know," Fox broke in. "I just wanted _you_ to know that I understand that it can't be the easiest thing, being around him...us." 

"I meant it when I said to you that I want to consider you friends." 

Fox smiled and nodded. "Okay, friend. Maybe you'd like to come down for dinner one night soon. Alex is a hell of a cook." 

"No kidding?" 

"Yeah. Shocked me too." 

"Yeah, I'd...I'd like that. You don't think he'd mind?" 

"I can check with him and get back to you if that'll make you more comfortable," Fox offered, "but I really think he'd be glad to have you over. His opinion of you seems to have changed as much as your opinion of him." 

Skinner sat motionless for a moment then nodded once. 

"All right then." 

Fox rose from his seat, and Skinner followed his lead, taking the hand his agent offered. 

"Thanks again." 

"Any time." 

Fox released the older man's hand and exited the office, smiling and nodding at the wide-eyed secretary as he passed. When he disappeared from her sight, she folded her arms across her chest and turned her attention to the closed door. 

Agent Mulder smiling, where just a few days ago he was furious to the point of being homicidal. 

Skinner, bruised right after his meeting with the maniac Mulder but clearly unwilling to do anything about the assault. Now he was acting as though nothing had happened, and he and Mulder were all happy with each other. 

_Scully_. 

Gone. 

Transferred to the lab, and not cheerfully. 

"Okay," she muttered, staring at the door as if expecting it to answer her. "What the hell is going on around here?" 

* * *

Fox plucked a cashew nut from the dish on the coffee table and fed it to the man lounging in his arms. 

"I told him you wouldn't mind." 

Alex shrugged, licking the salt from his lover's fingers before releasing them. "Hey, if he's not afraid that I'm going to poison him..." 

Fox chuckled, reaching again toward the dish. 

"I'm glad we're able to be friends." 

"Yeah, me too...I can't remember the last time I had a friend." 

Fox hugged the younger man to him. "I'm your friend." 

"Yeah." Alex reached up, threading his fingers through his lover's hair. "You're my friend." He chuckled softly. "My butt buddy." He broke into loud laughter as Fox tapped his forehead with the tips of his fingers. 

"I couldn't let it go by," he giggled, acknowledging the wordless admonition. 

"Very cute." 

Still giggling, Alex turned in Fox's arms and planted a kiss on his chin. 

"I am, aren't I?" 

Fox couldn't suppress his laughter. 

"Yes, you are." 

Alex stretched up for a soft kiss then turned around, again resting his back against Fox's chest. 

"So, when do you want to have him over?" 

"Whenever you want." 

"I'll figure out a menu then let you know." 

"'Kay." Fox went quiet for a minute then spoke again. "He saw Scully today." 

"...Yeah?" 

"Yeah. He said she's got some serious issues." 

"Well, we _knew_ this." 

"Yeah, I know, but." Fox blew out a heavy sigh. "I guess I kinda sorta hoped that she'd show some kind of remorse. Just the tiniest bit. _Something_ that said she was snapping out of this insanity she's got herself wrapped up in..." 

Alex arched his neck, looking up into his lover's face. 

"I'm sorry, Fox." 

Fox nodded, giving the younger man a tiny smile. "S'okay. " He dusted the tip of Alex's nose with his lips. "She should see somebody about it, you know?" 

"She's not going to. Not if she thinks there's nothing wrong with her." 

"I don't understand how she can't realize. She'd never given me the slightest clue, Alex. Never. Even when I had just found you in L.A., and I was back and forth on the phone with her. Yeah, she was anxious, and yeah, she gave me a bad time about it, but she never gave me reason to believe that she'd go this far around the bend." 

"She didn't seem to get really crazy until after she saw me." Alex shrugged. "Neither did Skinner." He looked up at the older man. "Or you." 

Fox cocked his head and thought about it. 

"You're right." Fox grinned. "Just sort of proves my point." 

"Point?" 

"Yeah." Fox traced the bottom swell of Alex's lip with his thumb. "About you having your own gravitational field." 

"My own what?" 

"It was part of the conversation Skinner and I had earlier." 

"Uhhh huh." 

"It's true. It's also damn near impossible to resist. I can't fault Skinner or Scully for being drawn to you. How could I, knowing how being near you affects _me_? You make me crazy." He tightened an arm around the other man's chest. "But my understanding of their attraction only goes so far. It stops at either of them touching, or in Scully's case, hurting you in any way. 

"We'd been through so much...I thought that she and I would be friends forever, and I hate that we're done, but she did it. She ended it. I can't ever forgive her for what she did to you." 

"Even if she _does_ get the help that she refuses right now to admit she needs?" 

"I don't...I..." Fox stammered, wondering if he could. "What she did, Alex...it was cold and calculating and..." 

"No worse than anything I've ever done, and you got past all _that_." 

Fox open and closed his mouth, not knowing at first how to answer. Then, "Yeah, but...the situations...they're entirely different. Scully was my best friend. You and I had no relationship. Well...not exactly true, but nothing approaching friendship." 

Alex was quiet for a while then turned to look at the older man. Curling the fingers of one hand into Fox's hair, he kissed the pouting lips then drew back to again see his lover's eyes. 

"If you ever want to try and forgive her, I'll understand." 

Fox's mouth curved into a half smile, and he tenderly stroked the side of Alex's face. 

"I love you." 

The two engaged in a long kiss, and Alex again nestled into Fox's embrace. They spent the rest of the evening cuddling and talking, and when they finally turned in a little before eleven, Alex curled himself around Fox, and both men fell almost immediately into a deep, contented sleep, dreaming of the wonderful, normal life that was finally within their grasp. 

Several weeks later 

"Another excellent meal, Alex." 

"Thanks. I found the recipe on the internet. You guys were my guinea pigs." 

Skinner picked up his wine glass and drained its contents. 

"No complaints here." 

Alex turned to his conspicuously silent lover, noting the far away look in his eyes. 

"Fox?" 

"....Hmm?" 

"Was the food okay?" 

"What? Oh. Yeah. Yeah, it was great." Fox reached for Alex's hand and drew it to his mouth for a quick kiss. "I'm sorry babe. Guess I'd zoned out for a minute there." 

Alex gave Fox's hand an understanding squeeze then returned his attention to Skinner. 

"We still all set for tomorrow?" 

"Yeah," Skinner answered, playing with his empty glass. "Scully's at Quantico all day, and Simmons will be ready for you at seven." 

Fox nodded. "Thanks for getting rid of her tomorrow. I know she's not your problem anymore." 

"No problem. She doesn't need to know your business." 

Silence, then Alex cleared his throat and spoke up. 

"So. Dessert?" 

"Oh, God," Skinner groaned. "How can I eat dessert after stuffing myself like I did?" He looked up at Alex over the tops of his glasses. "What is it?" 

"Peach dumplings with brandy cream." 

Skinner groaned again and let his head fall back against his chair. "It's _so_ good," Fox said, adding to Skinner's temptation. 

Alex's head snapped around, and he leveled a suspicious gaze on the other man. 

"How would _you_ know?" 

"Me?" Fox squeaked. "Oh. I...uh...tried some...just a _taste_!" he added as if that last bit of information would keep Alex from killing him. 

"A taste, huh?" 

"Just a tiny taste," Fox promised, holding his index finger and thumb only centimeters apart. 

Tossing the older man an exasperated glare, Alex rose from his seat and looked down at Skinner. 

"So, how 'bout it?" 

"Yeah, what the hell? I guess an extra half hour in the gym for the next few days won't kill me." 

Smiling, Alex headed toward the kitchen, leaving the other two men alone. 

"You guys really have to stop inviting me down here to eat," Skinner complained. "I've been the same weight for eighteen years, but I can see that changing in a big hurry if I keep eating Alex's cooking." 

"He likes having more than one test subject for all these experiments of his." 

"He's definitely got the touch." 

"Yeah, he does. Oh, listen. While I'm thinking about it...I'm going to take tomorrow off. I think I should stay home...you know?" 

"Yeah. Oh, yeah. I understand." 

"Sorry I didn't give you more notice. I should've said something earlier than this." 

"It's okay. You go ahead and take the day off. Have a nice, long weekend, and I'll see you on Monday." 

Fox nodded. 

"Thanks." 

Skinner's eyes shifted to the left and watched as Alex walked toward them bearing a large tray. 

"God, that does look good," Skinner murmured, taking a plate and cup of coffee from the lowered tray. 

Alex turned next to Fox, who finished emptying the tray, then he set it aside and joined the others. Before he could put the first forkful of his dessert into his mouth, Fox's voice sounded in complaint. 

"Hey. How come I get the one with the piece missing?" 

"Are you kidding me?" Alex asked, not waiting for an answer. "That's the one you took the tiny little taste from," he went on, holding his thumb and forefinger apart in imitation of Fox's earlier description. 

Fox snorted and dug into his dumpling while a baritone chuckle drifted across the table. 

Alex grinned into his coffee cup as Fox pouted over his quickly disappearing dessert, waiting until the older man's plate was clean before slicing off a chunk of his own dumpling and lifting it to his lover's mouth. 

Skinner watched, shaking his head as Fox stopped sulking and happily took Alex's offering. 

"You're spoiling him, you know. As if he wasn't a big enough pain in the ass." 

"I know," Alex sighed, watching Fox with adoring eyes. "What can I say? I'm a sap in love." 

Fox rewarded the statement with a lingering kiss then pulled away and accepted more of Alex's dessert. 

Skinner watched for a brief moment then lowered his eyes, sighing softly to himself. 

They were perfect together. It was as plain as the nose on Mulder's face, and though he still felt a tiny pang of jealousy when he watched them acting like this, he was becoming more and more used to the constant and blatant displays of affection between the two. And truth be told, he was happy. Happy for Mulder and happier for Krycek that they'd found such bliss. 

Another half hour went by, and Skinner rose from the table, announcing that it was time he took his leave. His friends bid him goodnight, and he made his exit, thanking Alex again for an excellent meal. 

Fox shut the door and turned, smiling at Alex. 

"He says you're going to make him fat." 

Alex returned the smile but said nothing. He approached his still lover and wound his arms around his neck. 

"I'll take it as a compliment." 

Fox leaned in, kissing the younger man thoroughly before pulling back a bit to lick gently at his lips. 

"You taste like that peach thing." 

Alex laughed softly and kissed the tip of Fox's nose. 

"You're nervous, arent you?" 

"Nervous? What...nah. What's to be nervous about?" 

"You were a million miles away, earlier." 

"Doesn't mean I'm nervous." 

Alex sighed heavily and laid his head against Fox's shoulder. 

"I am." 

Fox hugged the other man tightly to him. 

"Just try to relax," he instructed softly, stroking Alex's back. 

Alex nodded silently then looked over at the table. 

"Guess we should get that cleaned up." 

"Okay." 

Taking Alex's hand, Fox walked over to the table and began helping clear away the dinner dishes. Almost an hour later, everything was back in place, and the two retired to the bedroom, where Fox stripped Alex of his clothing and lay him face down on their bed. He then rid himself of his own clothes and proceeded to give the younger man a thorough, soothing massage. A long while later, he carefully prepared them both then stretched out along the length of Alex's relaxed body, and entered it slowly. 

Moaning, Alex began to stir, but gentle hands held him still. 

"Don't move," Fox whispered, his lips tickling the outer edges of Alex's ear. "Just relax. Let me take care of you." 

To Alex's intense pleasure, Fox did just that. Timing each caress, each thrust to take him fraction by fraction to the heaven he'd only ever reached with this man. And when Fox finally reached beneath him to wrap his fingers around his cock, Alex sobbed joyfully, his muscles contracting with each stroke until they seized violently in that final moment of shared ecstasy. 

Buried deep inside the convulsing body of his lover, Fox shuddered uncontrollably, crying out Alex's name just once before collapsing on top of his back. Both men lay motionless for a while, then Fox drew a shaky breath and lifted himself away from the younger man. 

Removing his own condom, he gently rolled Alex onto his back and slid his off as well. He disposed of the used latex and retreated to the bathroom, reappearing several seconds later. 

Alex moaned in pleasure at the sensation of a warm cloth caressing his spent cock, and then all too soon it was gone. He was about to complain about the chill he now felt, but he was silenced by the heavy warmth that had just settled itself on top of him. His arms slid up and around Fox's back, and he rubbed his face into his lover's hair. 

"Love you." 

Fox smiled at the softly moaned endearment and kissed Alex's collarbone. "I love _you_ , baby," he countered then closed his eyes, preparing to drift into sleep. And just as he felt the familiar lethargy relax his muscles and deepen his breathing, Alex's voice cut through the gathering fog. 

"Fox." 

"...Hmm?" 

"It's gonna be okay tomorrow, right?" 

Fox lifted his head and looked down into exquisite emerald eyes, shadowed with uncertainty and something resembling sadness. 

"Yes." 

Confident, one-word answer. Strong eye contact. Couldn't get more definite than that. Yet Fox's heart fluttered at the remotest thought that maybe it *wouldn't* be okay. And he prayed that Alex couldn't feel it. He needed Fox's strength and absolute conviction, and nothing less would be acceptable. 

A tiny smile twitched at one corner of Alex's mouth as he reached up to stroke his lover's cheek. 

"As if you'd actually say no." 

"I believe in fate, Alex. We found each other for a reason, and we went through hell to get to where we are right now. It's our time. Nothing else is going to get in our way. I promise." 

Alex pulled Fox back down, hugging the older man to his chest. 

"God, I love you so much." 

Fox strung a trail a warm kisses along his lover's shoulder then tucked his head under the younger man's chin. 

"We should get some sleep." 

"I know," Alex murmured, currently engrossed in the feel of Fox's hair sliding between his fingers as he combed the thick strands away from the other man's forehead. Im not sure I'm going to be able to any time soon, but..." 

Less than ten minutes later, Alex was out. 

And Fox wasn't. 

He lay listening to the slowing thud of his lover's heart, hoping it would lull him to sleep, but his mind wouldn't stop working. He believed the brief speech he'd given Alex only minutes ago...mostly. It _was_ their time. In fact they were long overdue for some uninterrupted happiness. 

But... 

//But nothing. Don't start thinking like Alex, now. Just keep a positive outlook, and in a few days you'll see that everything is fine, just like you told him.// 

Mental pep talk over, Fox closed his eyes and settled in for a good night's sleep. 

Ten minutes went by. Twenty. Alex slumbered peacefully, his only movement the occasional flutter of his eyelashes. 

Half an hour. Forty-five minutes. An abbreviated sigh drifted through the still air, and Fox opened his eyes, staring into the darkness and listening. 

Silence. 

Alex was still fast asleep. Good. Fox had been afraid that the younger man would lie awake all night worrying. Instead it appeared that he would be the one tossing and turning. 

Fox sighed inwardly and waited for sun to come up. 

* * *

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